Dreams and Swords

Well, it's been almost ten years since I was here last.

Definitely miss knowing where to go for good icons. Lot of ones I'd love to pick up. Especially some B. Dylan Hollis quotes from his tiktoks.

Even with the anti-depressants, I'm having to remind myself the current feeling of being in a hole is a) mostly because of headache and hormones, and b) not as bad as it used to be. I mean, my god, I am functional enough to make dinner. This is a miracle.

Starting today and applying hence forward and not retroactively, I may only buy a new book when I have finished reading an old book. Also, I may not buy a new book unless it is a) in-store, or b) when I have enough accumulated books to use Amazon/B&N Online/Borders Online's free shipping over $25 order thing.

ETA: This also applies to buying ebooks.

Also, my measuring point is "Spacehounds of IPC" onwards in the book log.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of burnout. It takes all my effort to avoid coming apart at the seams during work, and when I come home, I'm just exhausted and empty. I need to get reference pictures for Long Feng together for an artist I commissioned, and I can't even focus on that, much less on my writing.

Since apparently it's getting towards that time of year.

happy_trekmas and sga_santa, for those of you into those fandoms.

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I really need to be petted and told I'm loved right now.

I miss having a cat to curl up with and cuddle.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words yesterday. I probably won't be able to respond to you individually for a while yet; just looking at that entry hurts.

When the year turned around to 2010, I knew this would be a year of endings for me. I just didn't think it would be that ending, as well.

I am going to keep working on my projects. Everything's probably going to wobble for a while, but I need at least that to focus on.

I'm still alive. Now I need to figure out how to live again.

Finished writing all of my Jeeko Week fics. Huzzah! Since I've been kind of running crazy on my writing for the past two weeks, it feels real nice to have an opportunity to kerflop.

So! Going to rest, recharge, get the new Dresden Files book, read, and generally take it easy until the weekend. Might poke at my memes; I'm trying to get more of the anti-whump Zuko meme written before I turn major attention to the AU meme. On the other hand, given my current mood, the AU meme is more suitable for writing on.

That's assuming I do any writing at all over the next few days. I'll figure out what my weekend priorities are when it's, y'know, closer to the weekend.

Random short fiction recs!
- BLIT by David Langford, in which a bird-like fractal kills people
- True Love Rare by Lyn Cannady, in which a zombie cowboy helps someone fix their car
- Dying With Her Cheer Pants On by Seanan McGuire, in which a cheerleader saves the world from alien invasion

I've decided to start tithing. I have a steady income, I am setting money aside for my retirement in the company's IRA plans, I am making my rent and utilities easily. So I'm going to start donating money to charities that focus on causes I feel strongly about - humanitarian relief and infrastructure building, education, sexual education and women's rights.

I'm extremely volatile after a horrible day. If I don't burst into tears sometime tonight, it'll be a miracle.